Closure; it always sounds great in theory but the reality is something quite different. Safety in the old, in dark influences, can delude you and make you feel that you could make something that at first felt sweet, then turned sour, sweet once again. I struggle with closure. I can't believe that the initial feeling that was apparently so good can be so wrong for me and the tenacious part of me battles within to make sense of it all. But the question is: was the choice not wrong from day one? Think about that job, that opportunity, that meal, that activity, that friend, that person, that family member, that dream.

I try not to reminisce on anything in my past as a mistake but see it as a crossroad, an opportunity to take a path that I was guaranteed to grow or see how far I have grown. How do you make a choice? Which road looks bright and which looks bleak? Which looks hard and which looks easy? Which path will help you blossom? Can’t I simply go back and make it work? It felt so safe before. For someone who has suffered from depression, it is easy to slip backward because the dark can give a false sense of comfort. Fortunately, when you love yourself, your spirit will not sit well in a bad situation.

For a former over-ambitious lady like me, failure was never an option but I can tell you, I have come to accept and appreciate that failure is a possibility. I have learned that every failure is a form of grace. What if you achieved everything you embarked on or what seemed like a success; how would it affect you as a human being? Would you truly appreciate it? Would it feed your soul or would it eat you alive? For everything I have failed at or walked away from, I see - not immediately but eventually - that I was preserving myself.

After so many years of believing that silence is a way to keep peace and tolerate any situation that is contrary to my being, I find that now it is so much faster not easier, to walk away from what does not feed my soul positively. That job, that opportunity, that meal, that activity, that friend, that person, that family member, that dream. When I start to experience uneasiness, frustration, confusion, aggression, distastefulness, apathy- anything that does not align with my effort to walk in the light - I sit back and realize it is a distraction from the most important relationship in my life, the one with myself; which demands that I stay out of the false comfort of darkness.

I may stop and see a spark in someone or something and be attracted by the little good my soul sees but recently, I have realized the spark is like that of an angler, a fish that dangles a light at the tip of its dorsal spine to attract its prey. In reality, we realize the spark is not what it seems and it is completely enveloped in darkness and could potentially be dangerous to our inner peace. What attracts us to such situations? An unhealthy desire for what will not serve us or others? Such situations are meant to be short-lived. Those who have attained a high level of self-love and self-awareness will come to realize that what cannot be of benefit to them (even if their intentions are true) must be let go, no matter how painful or wrong it feels in the moment.

It is important to truly check yourself when such events occur as we attract what we are and desire even if it is not right for us. These situations make you wish you could go back to that moment and make a different choice to avoid any discomfort to yourself or others. But how would we learn if we did not experience in such a way? Question your motives at the point of every decision, listening and observing how you may have changed even slightly because of a choice you have made or activity you have chosen to pursue. Do not be lazy about it. You will find that the more effort you put into your decision at a crossroad, the faster you can embark on distancing yourself out of a potentially bad situation and you will easily find your way out of the dark.

Crossroads! How long do you stand there? Brave enough to start again this time smarter, sharper and more in love with yourself to realize candy can kill and there are anglers about waiting to prey on you! Closure is not needed between two parties or situation. The choice to walk away does not require endless and self-harming hope. It requires the most important love of all, love for thyself! The choice to walk away and return to a new crossroad is a wise decision that requires less energy once you value yourself.

Once you surround yourself with those who want to see you grow, who express love like you do, who try to walk in the light like you do, life becomes wonderful. If you ever struggle with deciding at a crossroads, consider this: think about a person or group of people who have these qualities I just mentioned, if you find yourself in any situation you must conceal from them, then it is likely not in your best interest to pursue it at all. I was blessed to receive the warning above at a time when I was experiencing an emotional conflict, the choice I made thereafter was one of the hardest I ever made but it was best for me.

I will not choose the hard road anymore or the easy one. Life does not present such clear paths. I can draw from my happiness, my light that is strong within me. These are my compasses, the exterior has no meaning. That light will show me the path to take and happiness will easily flow. Even in the darkest moments, I will not look back, because there is safety in the new, once you let love and light guide you. Choose to make only beneficial use of past experiences. Whatever is meant for me will lavish in my present or choose to catch up with me in my future. Your weakness could leave you vulnerable to anglers of all kinds- that job, that opportunity, that meal, that activity, that friend, that person, that family member, that dream that seems so perfect but could consume you if pursued.

Learn from every failure, situations can recur themselves when you least expect it and you know you have grown when the choice to walk away outweighs the choice to stay. Crossroads will seem in-existent once you see how wonderful self-closure could be and use your inner compass, your intuition as your guide.

Free yourself from any ‘dark influence’ and you will not fall prey to anglers!

written by Adesola Akindele

March 2017

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